Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
