A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
