And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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