I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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