Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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