I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
