Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
