hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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