you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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