so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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