in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
