I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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