super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
