We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
