So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
