DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
