SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
