sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i've created a new STD.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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