I hate your face
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
now i know why i became what i already was.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
