if you like me you must not know who I am
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
