I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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