You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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