Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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