apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
