Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
