Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I want is dick and wine.
I want a musical about memes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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