Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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