this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
