It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
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You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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