No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Panties = found
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
