I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
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I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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