if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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