I think i peed on brittanys purse
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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