what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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