My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
