Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
