Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
