Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So squirting runs in the family.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
