i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
