I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
