just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize