he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
