i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
