You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
