If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
