where am i from again
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
this just has baby written all over it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
