you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize