yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
