i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
