First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
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So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
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Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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