woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When did angry sex become our thing?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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