You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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