Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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