How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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