the condom got lost in my hair
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
