dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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