what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
