my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
