At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
