I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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