so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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