i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My life is pants optional.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
