Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
