Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
