accomplished twins. life is a go
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize