Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
