dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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