i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
