is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He called his prostate his "boner button".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
