I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
