a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
