I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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