and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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