the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
